On Cultural Mormonism

We all have our ups and downs in life.  As a child, religion was very important to me.  I sought after it.  I attended many churches throughout my early childhood.  I remember watching commercials on television about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints- The Mormons as a kid and thinking to myself- they are so weird.  A few years later, I found myself meeting with Mormon missionaries. and in 1991 was baptized a member of the Church.

I recall distinctly the sign on the building- Visitors Welcome.  This sign was a welcome treat for me.  All of a sudden, I belonged to something.  A family, a community, a group that wanted me around, people to help me grow my faith in Jesus Christ.  Church was filled with activities.  We would have Boy Scouts on Wednesdays, Seminary in the morning before school, church dances once a month, and so many other activities.  Going to church was like going home.  Walking into the building brought a smile to my face, seeing friendly welcoming faces.  I was eager to walk into the building as a kid.

No matter where I have moved to in my life, I found the same thing.  Visitors Welcome.  No matter where in the world one attends a Mormon church, you will typically find the same thing.  Hospital people, professing a belief and love for Jesus Christ, a friendly smile, and a sturdy handshake.  It is a homogeneous society welcoming people who want to commune with God.

The Church emphasizes the importance of families and the eternal nature of the family.  If you were to attend services and show up a half an hour early, you will witness families coming into the chapel.  Many will come into the building single file, the kids with their arms folded, hair done neatly, dressed in their Sunday best.  What a sight to see.  Even the format of Church is the same.  Three one hour meetings.  The first hour is generally sacrament, the second Sunday school, and finally, the third hour men and women separate and have another Sunday school type meeting.

For years I was assimilated into the homogeneity of the Mormon Culture.  I was a Husband, a Father, a leader, etc.  I taught lessons about the importance of families.  I invited people into my home to take part in family activities.  As a missionary for the church, I taught people about the Savior and taught how the Gospel and the church was like a big family.

What happens when you no longer fit into the picture though?  What happens when you become the spaghetti sauce stain on a white shirt?

I would often visit with members and former members of the Church.  They would tell me that as soon as they weren't living the tenants of the Church, or they went through a divorce, they were no longer included in this familial atmosphere. I refused to believe it. Like many members of the church I would tell the individual struggling through this loss that maybe it was them- not being comfortable around members because of how they were living. It was impossible to see cultural mormonism from within.

Fast forward a few years...I’m divorced, I went for a long period of time living outside of the church. For the last 4 years I’ve been little more than the poor homeless boy looking into the storefront daydreaming about the goodies inside the store. Around the time of my divorce members of the church, changed their behavior towards me. I was no longer part of the family. I was shunned. I remember shortly after my divorce began going up to two particular members of the church. These two men had been close friends of mine in the past. We had done family dinners, game nights, and activities together almost on a weekly basis. Walking into church, I went up to them to shake their hands and greet them. Instead of the warm friendly smile, their backs turned to me and for the next 3 years they refused to acknowledge my presence in any room.  I continued to attend church for the next several years without being greeted, spoken to, or able to participate.  There is no room in the church for people who are not living (on the surface) Gospel 100%.  This isn’t entirely true though. On the Sundays that the kids were with me, these members put on a great show for my kids. They would greet us with hugs and well wishes. I was like their best friend (so long as my kids were present).

Often I would discuss with this with local church leaders. The typical response was: you shouldn’t come to church for the social aspect. Now I spent a fair amount of time thinking about this statement. First, I wasn’t allowed to pray at the church, I wasn’t allowed to take the sacrament, or teach Sunday school, or be my son’s Cub Scout leader. My participation in the church was limited to sitting in a chair and listening. I will come back to “the typical response”.

What happens when you do not participated in Cultural Mormonism or are not allowed to participate? You are no longer welcome. You are not a member of their flock but also not a visitor.

Mormon teaching include the notion that every new member of the he church needs 3 things to become a successful member and integrate into the thev”church”- 1) a calling; 2) a friend; 3) to be nurtured by the good  word of God.  In Moroni chapter 6 (the Book of Mormon)

4 And after they had been received unto baptism, and were wrought upon and cleansed by the power of the Holy Ghost, they were numbered among the people of the church of Christ; and their names were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.
5 And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls.

Even a part of Church discipline includes “disfellowship” which signifies that those members being disciplined are not fellowshipped into the flock.

Cultural Mormonism is about being a part of the “crowd”. Living a certain way. It includes not disagreeing with your leaders, and believing everything as taught without question.  There are many other aspects of Cultural Mormonism that I will not discuss here but will focus on the social side of church.

When you do not subscribe to or are not allowed to participate in this Cutlural Mormonism you start to lose a desire go to church. I made it over 3 years before I gave up on going to church.  Visitors are welcome but I wasn’t. I eventually stopped bringing my children to church too.

Now that I have started going to church again, I am still not a part of the crowd. I learned how horrible and Damaging Cultural mormonism is. Throughout my membership in the church and during my time out of the church I focused my life on building relationships with others. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, others become closer to the Savior through our interactions with them. When we love other  irrespective of how they are living their lives, something important happens. Others feel the love of the Savior. They want to change their lives. When the Savior was in the earth, he taught the gospel. With the exception of turning the tables of The money changer so in the temple, the savior’s response to people who weren’t living the commandments perfectly was generally to love and teach them.

We can do that too. One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is found in Matthew 25:40- And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.  How is this done- be  a friend.  I see so many things that members of the church do to help others. The provide hurricane cleanup, provide food and other resources to the needy, they set up scouting troops (free of charge to the community) and so on.

I also see the other side. When I no longer was a part of Cultural Mormonism- I asked for help with food and help. I was turned down. When I had no money to buy Christmas presents or food because I had to pay alimony to my former spouse, I was ignored and left to my own devices. Because I refused to bring my kids to church (although attending myself) because church leaders no longer recognized me as the father of my family, I was ignored in my time of need.

What I found was that the people Mormon people taught are evil and of the world, loved me. They befriended me. They treated me the way the Savior would.  This isn’t the message I teach my kids. Love people. Share what you have with people. Learn about people and love them for who they are (a child of God) and not because of what they profess to believe or not.

It’s very easy to like people living up to you standards. It’s much harder to love people who aren’t. The Savior’s call to us was to preach repentance and baptism. The two great commandments are aptly relevant to this posting- the first Great commandment is to Love God and the second is like unto it - to love your neighbor as yourself.

In closing this post, this scripture (in Matthew 7)  has found new meaning to me lately-

22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

There is so much more I’d like to add but I’ve said enough.

So, Until next time....